Good Parents Raise Only Gifted Children! (The Story of Little "Drunk")

(See above--Kid who does NOT belong to a Good Parent, i.e., my kid.)

Good parents must have gifted children. As everyone knows, children of good parents are to be little "mini-me's" of their brilliant, multi-talented, wildly successful mom and dad. Nothing validates good parents like a gifted child.

The goal is to be sure the child knows, from a very young age, that they are the "goodest". Certainly better than the under-achieving riff-raff (i.e. kids like yours!). A superior "snowflake." The annoying ones--errr, "anointed ones."

Watch one such parent in action in this clip from the old movie, Parenthood. (You need only watch it from the 4 minutes, 35 seconds mark through 5 minutes, 40 seconds).

Good parents spare no expense to ensure their child is gifted. On the way home from the hospital with their golden child, they drive immediately to get the child on the waiting list for the exclusive, private daycare "academy" in the city. You know, one of those "hoity-toity"(sp?) elite places that promises by the time your little Morgan-Elisea enters kindergarten, she will be fluent in three languages, be a piano or violin virtuoso, excel in one or more sports, and will test in the top 2% on all measures of "smarty-pants-edness." (All for a mere $1,200 a week per child!)

Good parents will not be dissuaded from the belief that their child is gifted. Call it tenacity (or clinging like grim death to a dream). Even if their kid ends up running around with a bucket on his head rather than learning French, tanking in his grades, and more interested in Guitar Hero III than the violin--that is all just evidence that he IS gifted, but acting out because he is so FAR HEAD of the other kids he is bored. Yes, what a magical fairy-land to live in.

I remember when I realized the death of my dream, realizing that my kids were NOT gifted. At first, I just felt DEEP disappointment in both of my children. How could they have let me down! (I heard Marvin Gaye in my head singing, "Makes me wanna' hollah'...the way they do my life!") Utter despair. After all my hard work, I was not to be a good parent--I was out of the club.

Looking back, I should have seen the warning signs. It was that birthday "party," my son attended when he was 4. The host child had invited a number of his "gifted" posse. I knew this because they had proudly written "(GIFTED)" on their name tags..."Hello! I'm: KIN or 'Golden' (Gifted)"

I wish I'd noticed this BEFORE I wrote on my son's name tag: "Hello! I'm: DRUNK!!" (It was a JOKE!) AT one point, Mike got too loud and host mom called out, "Little DRUNK!" You make brain hurt with loudnesss. Quiet manners please, okay?" She approached me for conversation later, "So you are DRUNK father?" Ummm... :)

The party hit full gear, with the "gifted"-tagged kids quietly discussing quantum physics and creating a scale model of a magical city called "Tokyo/ DC", using only Lego's. My son gave this about 30 seconds of focused thought, then found a hula hoop, a length of rope and a kid that was also not "gifted"-tagged and they were soon in the yard "lassoing" each other.

There were other clues. I've been to other parties over the years. Same deal. Good parents holding me captive spouting on and on about their gifted child. In response, I experience the temptation to self-harm. Followed soon after by a profound sense of losing my will to live. Ultimately, I resorted to sarcasm just to make the bloated, ultimately self-glorifying monologues STOP! Some examples follow:

GOOD PARENT: My son (pre-K) just had his first oil painting entered in the County art fair. He won top prize!

SARCASTIC ME: My son (same age) just colored a house with stick people--he didn't even trace! And he only ate one crayon! We are SO proud!

GOOD PARENT: My daughter is skipping 2nd grade, going straight from 1st to 3rd grade! Hopefully 3rd grade will challenge her, at least a little bit!

ME: My daughter gets to repeat the first grade--once she gets out of juvie! So you know, we're happy.

GOOD PARENT: My oldest daughter, Melissa is busy with so many extra-curriculars: She tutors junior high kids, heads up the debate team, edits the school newspaper, is on the school swim team, and...

ME: Extra-curriculars...hmmm, my daughter is really into talking on the phone and texting--she texts REAL FAST! It's amazing...

GOOD PARENT: Suzette is now fluent in French--imagine that--fluent at 7!

ME: My daughter just learned a new curse word in French!

(Yes all lies...but it made me feel better.)

Recent research shows that like 98% of parents think their child is gifted, while the real percentage closer to like 5% at best. (See the excellent article below "Is your kid really gifted? Probably not." ). Oh yeah, you'll want lots of copies of that for all those good parents you know out there :)

In COMMENTS below, tell us about your gifted child! Actually, please don't. :) Seriously, how do you know what is fair to expect from your child?

When might a parent be pushing too hard or expecting too much? Expecting too little?

Suggested Resource:
Your Child's Strengths: Discover Them, Develop Them, Use Them

Other posts:
Caring About What People Think
Good Parents Make Sure Their Child Stands Out

Superb article for enriching your child's life and for stimulating their desire to learn and more: Is your kid really gifted? Probably not

Nominate an inspirational family (preferable one with a gifted child...hee): Families That Inspire