Good Parents Prevent Their Children From Poking Their Eye Out

(Eleven-year-old Chinese schoolboy Liu Cheong had a brush with death when his friend shot him in the head with a 16-inch arrow. Source for photos and the original article: ABC News)

Like Ralphie's mom...teacher...and even Santa Claus in the movie, A Christmas Story, the #1 thing we've all heard from our parents is:

"Don't __________ (any of 1000 things)--you'll poke (or shoot) your eye out!"

Interesting that the eye shoot-out is #1, while, "I love you!" is like the #8 thing parents say, right AFTER #7, "You got yourself into this mess, you can get yourself out!"

In fact, the #1 proof that one is a good parent is that you have successfully protected your child from getting their eye poked out or shot out. Because of this "good parents" are ever vigilant in protecting their children's eyes. Let something like this happen to your child...you are no longer qualified to be a good parent:

(X-ray of Eleven-year-old Chinese schoolboy Liu Cheong showing the arrow in his head.)

(This X-ray shows how, during a fall, a car key penetrated the eyelid of 17-month-old Nicholas Holderman of Kentucky, reaching his brain. Thankfully he suffered no permanent damage.)

Yes, an eye injury is about the biggest fear any good parent has--especially the "lightweights" who have never had to rush their child to the hospital. Not quite as big a deal for those of us bad parents who get Christmas cards from the local emergency room thanking us for our continued business. (Not to mention "frequent visit" discount...anyone with a kid in sports understands this.)

For most good parents...

• Broken arm?

Freak-out meter: Low

Squeam factor: Minor (much higher if the bone pierced the skin)

• Big gash on head?

Freak-out meter: High

Squeam factor: Major (Higher if you THINK you see the skull)

• Eye injury with any sharp object?

Freak-out factor: OFF THE CHARTS!

Squeam factor: EXTREME

Something about a sharp object in an eye, or poking out of the eye REALLY freaks us out--to the level of incoherence. For example, if you saw that picture above and quite nearly passed out--you are probably a good parent.

This has led to a number of good parent warnings that all basically point back to the eye (oops, bad choice of words). These warnings get more elaborate over the years:

"Don't touch that...you could poke your eye out."

"Don't run with your metal fork...you'll fall down, your arm will flail out and...you'll poke your eye out."

"Don't sword fight with sticks...because someone will poke at you with the SHARP end of the stick, you'll partially block it but deflect it and then....you'll poke your eye out!"

"Don't create darts made by pushing straight pins through erasers--attaching paper fins so they'll fly straight and throw them at each other in massive dart wars when you are working in the men's department at Belk-Lindsey...you'll poke your eye out. (Oh, this last one is something I did when I was 16 that my mom and dad did not know until now...:) (Yeah...these drew blood...)

These warnings get more elaborate because the longer you are a parent, the more horrific (and numerous!) the nightmare eye-injury scenarios become.

Honestly, by the time our children become teenagers, it's a wonder we're all not committed to psych wards or sedated for the duration SO vivid and SO numerous are these "tragimaginings." (One benefit: we can watch the SAW series of movies--is SAW X out yet?--with our teens and just laugh and laugh--not phased at all. Ho-hum. Been there, seen that. Yawn.)

I said all of the previous to say this: If your child suffers an eye injury, you can no longer consider yourself a truly good parent. Turn in your good parent card. It's over for you. I am sorry. No, there is no way back.

In COMMENTS below, share some of the "crazier warnings" your parents gave you and times when YOU almost shot or poked your eye out!

Related Posts:
How Being a Boy Almost Killed Me (If My Parents Had Known, They WOULDA' Killed Me!)
Two Tykes on Trikes Cross Highway on Quest for Quisp and Quake! Parenting and Nutrition

To find out more about the movie, A Christmas Story, click here: A Christmas Story

See these other great Parentconsensus blogs:
A blog featuring parents and famileis at their worst (cautionary tales): Families in the News
A blog featuring parents and families at their best: Families That Inspire
A blog celebrating the joy of Christmas all year round: Christmastime Memories

To read the complete article, click here: Injuries Children of Good Parents NEVER Risk Suffering