Things Good Parents Do: Parentconsensus Blog

This blog has moved! New URL is http://www.thingsgoodparentsdo.com

2009-01-25T18:37:00.006-05:00

Dear Friends:

This blog Things Good Parents Do, has been moved to Wordpress and is under a new URL: http://www.thingsgoodparentsdo.com

For those in my blogroll...please update to the new domain as soon as you can. When you have done so, please email me at: pccontactus@konsensusllc.com and I will add you to my blogroll at the new domain.

For those following me, or subscribing to the blog through Feedburner, you will need to resubscribe. I will add another post with details on that soon.

Sorry for the inconvenience! Thank you for continuing to read and support Things Good Parents Do!

Cheers!

Jim

Free Sample Movie Clip Discussion for Parents (Freedom Writers: A Toast to Change!)

2009-01-17T23:58:00.013-05:00

When I posted this, I didn't think of President Barack Obama's theme of change or the tremendous change brought about by the work of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. How fitting that this post be released (and hopefully read and used) this week!

Enjoy this FREE sample movie clip discussion for your family from my latest book for parents: 101 Movie Clips That Get Families Talking :

CHANGE

(A Toast..."the Past is Past")

Movie: Freedom Writers
Studio: Paramount, 2007
Rating: PG-13

TIP: If you decide to do the toast as a family, have some sparkly cider on hand! This movie is based on the very moving book, The Freedom Writer's Diary (Main Street Books, 1999). Also, bad language alert in this clip.

CLIP CUE FOR DVD
Chapter: 10
Clip start: 1 hour, 9 minutes, 55 seconds
Clip end: 1 hour, 15 minutes, 1 second
Clip duration: 5 minutes, 6 seconds

SET UP FOR THE CLIP: In this real-life story, Erin Gruwell, a naive, overly-optimistic first year teacher is assigned to an unruly class full of kids in a racially divided southern California high school. She flounders for a way to connect with her students. A breakthrough begins when Erin assigns her students to keep a journal of their lives.

In this clip, Erin challenges her students to make a toast for change. A "from this moment on, things are going to be different" kind of thing. One young man in particular shares a moving account of what the class has meant to him.

After viewing the clip, discuss these questions:

Think about the young man who shared his journal entry about being evicted and feeling so bad when he showed up for school. He said the classroom was like home to him and that Mrs. Gruwell was the only one to make him think of hope. Where do YOU feel most at home? Who are the people around you who make you feel special? Who give you hope?
What one thing from your past do you most need to move beyond? What do we need to break free from in our family's past?
What more can we do to make one another feel special?
What hopes do you have for our family and our future?

To start the year, the teacher holds a "toast for change" with her students. (If you decided to do a family toast, distribute the cider now.) Let's take a moment for a bit of silence and think about what the teacher just said. When you are ready, share your "toast for change."

I trust you enjoyed this movie clip discussion! If you would like to purchase this book, it is available through Amazon. Simply click here to be whisked away to Amazon to find out more about the book or to purchase: 101 Movie Clips That Get Families Talking

To find out more information about the DVD, Freedom Writers, click here: Freedom Writers (Widescreen Edition)

In COMMENTS below, let me know what you think about the discussion and the changes to which your family has committed?

See these other Parentconsensus blogs:
A blog of parenting at its worst (cautionary tales): Families in the News
A blog on parenting and families at their best: Families That Inspire
A blog celebrating the joy of Christmas all year round: Christmastime Memories

Knowing the Right Things to Do as a Parent, and Doing Them Are Two Different Things

2009-01-14T21:48:00.026-05:00

I had a follow up with the dermatologist yesterday (for the first visit, see the humorous post, The "Pre-Perfect" Parent! ") Just wondering why I am 46 and still wrestling with acne. Me and the pimple pop doc are still trying to slay the blemish beast. Hence my return.

It is rosacea.

The doctor went though a list of things I need to do to tame the beast, if not vanquish it:

* Get adequate rest (Impossible--I'm a blogger with a full-time real job.)

* Avoid spicy foods (I am a devout chili head--with an extensive hot sauce collection)

* Avoid caffeine (I'm a sucker for the White Chocolate Mocha Latte at Starbucks--the Venti-size--the BIG boy half-gallon drink)

* Avoid stress (I have a teenage daughter who is very interesting to boys...impossible)
Blah, blah, blah...

He said several other things , but I was trying to visualize life without these things and seeing only a long, dark, unhappy tunnel. (Well, except for a life with no knucklehead teenage boys chasing my daughter...that made me happy...)

He said, "Why don't you ever listen to me?" or something like that. I forget. I wasn't paying attention.

The mystery was solved. I had all the information I needed. I heard at least some portion of the treatment. I was already deciding to live with rosacea rather than give up some things I like to do.

I'm not alone.

"In 1964 the Surgeon General of the U.S. (the chief doctor for the country) wrote a report about the dangers of cigarette smoking. He said that the nicotine and tar in cigarettes cause lung cancer. In 1965 the Congress of the U.S. passed the Cigarette Labelling and Advertising Act. It said that every cigarette pack must have a warning label on its side stating "Cigarettes may be hazardous to your health."(source: From the First to the Last Ash: The History, Economics & Hazards of Tobacco )

Even with the labels on the packs of "cancer sticks," billions and billions of cigarettes are sold in the U.S. each year to committed smokers who KNOW it can kill them. Why?

It is not enough the KNOW the right things to do. We must DO the right things we know to do. ACTIONS turn knowledge into LIFE CHANGE. Knowledge with action is key to not only kicking bad habits but key to success in life.

I know what I need to do to clear up my skin. The smoker knows what he or she needs to do to live a longer, healthier life. Now the question is, do we have the self-control and the moral will (or "guts") to do what we know is right?

How does any of this apply to parenting? Glad you asked. Simply this: Much of the time you KNOW what you need to do as a parent. You just DON'T do it. (Me too.) You want to revolutionize your relationship with your child or teen? DO the right things you KNOW to do.

Only by taking action on the right you know to do will you unleash the power to bring life-changing/ relationship-renovating change to you and/or your child. (See the great comment below from MeMe on the ludicrous "Do as I say, not as I do" speech. That speech doesn't cut it and it doesn't get us off the hook--in fact, it says "I've given up" and "I have no guts." Actually now there even more good comments. Check 'em all out.)

It is not enough to KNOW the right things to do as a parent. We must DO the right things we know to do. ACTIONS turn knowledge into a powerful force for LIFE CHANGE. Knowledge joined with action is the key to becoming an effective and successful parent.
RIGHT INFORMATION + RIGHT ACTION= LIFE CHANGE

Want to see a revolution in your parenting and in your family? Have the GUTS to do the parenting things you know to do but have put off, or simply not done. Do them now. You only have control over today. There is no tomorrow promised to any of us.

Think of YOUR behavior in the context of your child's life. Ask yourself, "What do I want them NOT to do?" Stop doing it yourself.

Then ask yourself, "What do I do that I MOST want my child to do?" Make sure they see you doing those right things FREQUENTLY (and involve them--they only learn by DOING too). Be the model your kids deserve. One they CAN want to be just like, one they can follow by doing what they do.

In COMMENTS below, share some the right things....the HARD things you've had to do as a parent, that paid off BIG time in your relationship with your child/ children. Or just tell readers what you think!

Things Good Parents Do: Reader Favorites of 2008 (part 1)

2009-01-10T07:35:00.003-05:00

(The Kochenburger fam relaxing at home in 2008...)

Things Good Parents Do, is a tongue-in-cheek (sometimes downright cheeky!) blog that added a little rascally wit and "wisdom" (HA!) into the parenting scene. I have enjoyed writing Things Good Parents Do, and our readership has grown--wildly of late! Though there are MANY outstanding parenting, dad, and mommy blogs out there, parents (and MANY non-parents) seem to have made a place in their hearts for Things Good Parents Do, which has been a surprise and a lot of fun for me!

To you, my readers, I say THANK YOU! You energize me to keep doing this--well until the money and fame start rolling in...(oops, did I write that out loud?) Seriously, THANK YOU for liking it and for letting me know. That's the reward for me.

Here we go:

(1)--Gag-Proof Your Parenting Attitude! (Get the Funk Out Your Home!)
Finally, the Smithsonian cleaning crew showed up, sprinkled the pixie dust on the puke ocean (and pond) and the Smithsonian was saved from the vomit threat. And we, we who endured the horror together became very close, like a family. A family of vomit funk survivors. Believe it or not, there is a tie in here with parenting--besides the importance of having a strong gag reflex. (Somebody holla' poopy diaper!!!) And I wanted a RIVETING attention-getter to make this point unforgettable. It's all about attitude ma and/or pa. Read more!

(2)--#1 Secret of the Parenting Universe Revealed (Hint: Media, Teen Sex, THE Talk)
"A strong association between sexual content on television and teen pregnancy is not surprising, said Dr. Yolanda Wimberly, an assistant professor of clinical pediatrics at the Morehouse School of Medicine and the medical director for the Center for Excellence in Sexual Health." Well, I'm the medical director for Common Sense and I am sayin'--Ya think???Read more!

(3)--Ugly Son? It's Dad's Fault, Study Shows...
In America, one of our most important tasks, as good parents, is to produce beautiful children. The reason for this is two-fold, 1) it makes our friends jealous, and, 2) it allows us the ability to put a spotlight on our own attractive features by pointing them out in our children.
It works like this:
Jessica's Mom to friend:: "Jessica's eyes are so pretty in this portrait."
Desired response delivered from same friend: "She's beautiful, she has your eyes."
Jessica's Mom to friend: "Oh, you're so sweet for saying that." (Thinks: Yes, she is beautiful. Yes, she gets it from me.)Read more!

(4)--Top 10 Things Parents Should Let Their Children Do at Restaurants!
I am begging all parents to PLEASE let your child do the following things at restaurants:

#10) Encourage children to whirl and dance in youthful glee around the tables. Note the look of enjoyment and smiles of appreciation on all the people around you...Read more!

(5)--Good Parents Raise Only Gifted Children! (The Story of Little "Drunk")
Good parents must have gifted children. As everyone knows, children of good parents are to be little "mini-me's" of their brilliant, multi-talented, wildly successful mom and dad. Nothing validates good parents like a gifted child...Read more!

(6)--Good Parents Insure a Germ-Free Home and WORLD for Their Children...or Die Trying! (Part 1)
Good parents ensure a germ-free home (and WORLD). They are "germaphobes" and proud of it. For the good parent, a child with a cold, runny nose or fever means just one thing, failure. Well, failure and shame!

You'll recognize these good parents easily--throwing themselves between the sneezer and their child (the sneezee)...Read more!

(7)--Ain't Nothin' But a Twin Thang! (Sibling Rivalry x10...and what to do about it)
I have an identical twin. His name is Phil. Mine is James ("Jimmy" way back when, Jim now). So there was no cutesy name stuff happening, thank God. No Jimmy and Timmy, Billy Bobby and Bobby Robby, or Skeeter and Peter. One small grace in an otherwise graceless situation.

Many people would say to us "being a twin must be awesome!" We would just look at the person in amazement, and say (probably in unison), "Now you are just talking like a crazy person!"...Read more!

(8)--Parents: The Ticking Crocodile Chases Each of Us
I loved it...a dad and daughter, sharing a lunch out together. I am a sucker for that stuff--seeing dad's "into" their kids. So I paid attention. I thought I just might have a warm observation/ entry for this blog.

Sadly, I was wrong. Though this dad had the right idea about being "there" with his daughter--sadly, he never showed up. Predictably, he was wearing his bluetooth earpiece. Since he hadn't arrived in a helicopter, and there was no briefcase handcuffed to his wrist, my guess was, he didn't have his finger on the nuclear button--so no real need to keep that earpiece in...Read more!

(9)--Good Parents Insure a Germ-Free Home and WORLD for Their Children...or Die Trying! (Part 2)
Want to mess with a germaphobe "good parent's" mind? Here are a few ideas:

1) Remind them the kitchen--not the bathroom--is the nastiest room in the home. Mention that video you saw one time where they used a bacteria-detecting lamp to show all the bacteria in some ladies kitchen. She SEEMED to keep a clean kitchen--she was wrong. The lamp showed bacteria all over her counters, the fridge, the sink and...all over her son! (Better yet, tell them this at your house so they will clean your kitchen for you. They must do this--they are too good not to!)...Read more!

(10)--Good Parents Make Their Kids "Face The Fear"!
Peyton Pinkerton, 37, has been known to run out of malls, fairgrounds, and other places "on repeated occasions," to flee the object of his personal phobia: clowns (Coulrophobia). Why, you ask?
"I was yelled at by a birthday party clown when I was about 4 years old and have been absolutely terrified of them ever since. If I'm surprised by seeing a clown, it's like snakes or rats. My fight-or-flight response kicks in," Pinkerton says. (Source: CNN article below.)...Read more!

See Jim's book: 101 Movie Clips That Get Families Talking

Vote for your 2008 Things Good Parents Do post: ( surveys)

Things Good Parents Do: Reader Favorites of 2008 (part 2)

2009-01-10T00:07:00.024-05:00

(Jim's fam in front of a door in Rome.)

Here are a few more fun posts I think you'll enjoy if you're new to Things Good Parents Do...(new material coming this weekend :)

Fun on Flight 1703 (The Zippy and Lippy Show or Dad Gone Wild!)

Christmastime 2007, my family and I traveled to New York City, (a favorite destination of ours--especially around Christmas). The trip was amazing--Central Park, The Grinch and A Color Purple on Broadway (go Fantasia!), pizza at Famous Ray's (on 42nd St.), M&M's superstore, breakfast in a diner with singing serving staff, and a number of memorably aromatic cab rides:) A good time was had by all. And now we were flying home to the land of Mickey Mouse--with a plane packed full of giddy would-be mouseketeers. Read more!

"A Dog + a Little Girl + An Automatic Car Window = Family Nightmare" Or "What You Gonna Do When Life Poops on You?"
It was an ordinary day. We had no reason to think it would spiral into a nightmare for my 8-year-old daughter, Kristin--and for our chronically shabby, ungroomed schnauzer named Frosty (Frosty's a she by the way).

The family was packed into the Blazer, making a rare trip to Frosty's groomer. Read more!

The "Pre-Perfect" Parent
I am 46 and I still battling my middle school nemesis--acne. This keeps me in touch with the whole teen experience and sometimes makes me question God about the unfairness of life (Why God, WHY???). Though I love taking skinventory as much as the next TEENAGE guy...gets a little old at 46.Read more!

Two Tykes on Trikes Cross Highway on Quest for Quisp and Quake! Parenting and Nutrition
The plan was perfect:

*Snatch spare change from around house (steal from mom's purse if necessary).

*Drive tricycles to grocery store which was far away (2 miles).

*Purchase Quisp and Quake cereal because mom wouldn't buy sugary cereals for us.
I was 3-years-old when I hatched this scheme. Admittedly, I did have an accomplice, my identical twin brother Phil. Read more!

Good Parents Raise Children to Be Winners (The Baby Expo)
My wife Karen and I ended up at a Baby Expo when my son was still very young. I don't remember how old he was, but I do remember he was an expert crawler--sometimes a stumbling, bumbling, rambling, four-step walker. So whatever age that is--he was. (Though I am SURE it was before MOST children do the stumbling, bumbling thing :)

After paying $6 each to get in, we had $50 to "splurge" with. Read more!

Good Parents Tell Their Children That if They Believe in Themselves, They Can Accomplish Anything!
Sure right NOW...

...Little Susie Celine Schwartz makes the dog howl when she sings...but one day...she will fill arenas (even church people have said this--non-fibbers!), IF she just believes in herself.

If you just believe in yourself, you can accomplish ANYTHING--it's what they've heard from their good parents all their lives--even at 3! Read more!

Good Parents Prevent Their Children From Poking Their Eye Out
Like Ralphie's mom...teacher...and even Santa Claus in the movie, A Christmas Story, the #1 thing we've all heard from our parents is:
"Don't __________ (any of 1000 things)--you'll poke (or shoot) your eye out!"
Interesting that the eye shoot-out is #1, while, "I love you!" is like the #8 thing parents say, right AFTER #7, "You got yourself into this mess, you can get yourself out!" Read more!

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Good Parents Always Allow Their Children to Do What "Everybody" Else Does
"Mom! Why can't I go? EVERYBODY else is going!"
"Dad, you never let me do what EVERYBODY else gets to do!"
"Ohmigosh, EVERYBODY is going to be there...EVERYBODY! So why can't I go?"
"I want ___________ ! EVERYBODY else has one!"

The good parent would never keep their kid from doing what EVERYBODY is doing. One of the biggest fears the good parent has is that their child will not get things everybody has or enjoy all the fun that everybody enjoys. Read more!

Thank you for reading!

Celebrities Say Do NOT Vote for Things Good Parents Do for 2008 Weblog Awards????

2009-01-08T19:47:00.031-05:00

(DISCLAIMER 1: Okay, this post was a farce, a joke (some would say a joke gone wrong...). It was penned in the heat of "battle" for votes in the 2008 Weblog Awards. (This blog was nominated for Best Parenting Blog...whatever "Best" means :)

Turns out it was my most read post ever...had over 500 reads in one day! Nevertheless, I lost the contest (7th place). I think everyone bailed after they heard from Oprah--which I SHOULD have anticipated. Not bad for a 5-month old blog to be nominated though! Please read this in the spirit in which it was penned...just having some fun at my own expense! I KNOW you'll get it. Here you go...

(Oprah Winfrey)

"Away with this man...remove him from my presence...SWINE! This is man is all the time trying to get on my show to talk about his blog, Things Good Parents Do, talking like he's the next Dr. Phil. Mr. Ill more likely! (NOT ill in a good way). He's CRAZY! Buck-wild...CRAZY. And as for that blog?? Child rest! Pleez! That boy needs to find him some SENSE!"

Shhhh...We are bloggers from the other blogs competing with this piddly little upstart blog in the Best Parenting Blog category. (We hacked into Jim's blog just like we did the voting--hee!)

We must say, we have to agree with Oprah on this (and everybody knows you can't put one past Oprah (or two). We can stay silent NO longer!!We've been way better at this way longer than this newbie twerp. We DESERVE this...he doesn't. Thanks to our ireporters, we uncovered the dirt on this BRIGAND so desperately trying to steal OUR precious booty...as in, glory...here you go...

"I have NEVER seen any "parenting" resource more outrageous, and just downright troubling than this good parents blather pedddled by Jim Kochenburger--the court jester of the parenting world. Parenting is SERIOUS business. I would encourage all good parents to avoid Things Good Parents Do!"

(Dr. James Dobson, President, Focus on the Family)

"I wouldn't let Jim Kochenburger OR his blog Things Good Parents within mace distance of me...STOP CALLING ME! (Dang that Paris and her stupid stolen phone)"

(Kim Kardashian, reality TV "celebrity")

"GET REAL! Don't vote for this Kochenburger or his steaming pile of manure that he calls Things Good Parents Do! This man has problems he better be gettin' on dealin' with! "

(Dr. Phil, family expert, media manipulator, expert on all things)

"Jim Kochenburger has a PARENTING blog? OMG! One more reason not to let my parents know how to "Internet" as they say! "

(Miley Cyrus, teen pop star and actress, daughter of Achey-Breaky song dude. You know that song the Democrats did the Achey-Breaky dance to at that one convention?)

He did get one "celebrity" endorsement (ha!)...

"VOTE FOR JIM's BLOG, THINGS GOOD PARENTS DO...BECAUSE...MMMmm-mmmm, I LIKE!"

(Perez Hilton, star blogger, celebrity extraordinaire)

You've been warned!!!! Don't vote for him at: Best Parenting Blog--2008 WEBLOG AWARDS!

VOTE FOR US INSTEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Let's keep this our little secret!!!!!!!!!

Sincerely,

Competitors in the "Best Parenting Blog" Category

Disclaimer 2: Yes this is a joke. No, my competitors are not hacking anything. Yes I do want you to vote for me. And yes, all these celebrities, I am sure, would love this blog...who wouldn't? Well, except Perez...

VOTE FOR "THINGS GOOD PARENTS DO" NOW! THANKS (Don't vote--it's over! Thanks for the thought though!)

See these other Parentconsensus blogs:
A blog of parenting at its worst (cautionary tales): Families in the News
A blog on parenting and families at their best: Families That Inspire
A blog celebrating the joy of Christmas all year round: Christmastime Memories

Good Parents Always Allow Their Children to Do What "Everybody" Else Does

2008-12-29T23:46:00.005-05:00

(Alleged to be a genuine photo of EVERYBODY.)

"Mom! Why can't I go? EVERYBODY else is going!"
"Dad, you never let me do what EVERYBODY else gets to do!"
"Ohmigosh, EVERYBODY is going to be there...EVERYBODY! So why can't I go?"
"I want ___________ ! EVERYBODY else has one!"

The good parent would never keep their kid from doing what EVERYBODY is doing. One of the biggest fears the good parent has is that their child will not get things everybody has or enjoy all the fun that everybody enjoys. In short, the good parent wants his or her child to have EVERYTHING everybody has.

Disclaimer: As an adult and a parent, I can't say
I've ever met the fabled "everybody."

Nor has any parent I know met everybody. Not unlike believing that Bigfoot exists, or in aliens in Area 51, or that there actually ARE music videos on Music TV (MTV)...simply the fact that our children (and most good parents) believe that everybody exist is enough. Their actual existence is of course, unnecessary.

In this post I would like to share with other enquiring parents what I am fairly certain of concerning everybody. Though ACTUAL sightings are rare, and always suspect (typically second and third-hand, "I know a guy who knows a guy who actually MET an everybody..."), I am able to provide a rudimentary composite, informed "description" of them here from what I've picked up over the years.

What I think I know about everybody...

Everybody are the coolest, most popular, best-dressed, gorgeous kids you can imagine. They are rich, independent, and totally self-confident. They excel in all areas: socially, academically, athletically. And they do so effortlessly--without practice or study.

Everybody make all their own decisions. They do exactly what they want to do, when they want to do it--always. They get all the money they need from their parents to buy anthing or do anything they want.

Everybody do no work. They do no chores. They have no responsibilities. Their "job" (as they are often told by their parents) is to have fun and be a kid.

Everybody live in a world that revolves totally around them--to serve their every desire, want, need, or whim. It all exists for them. Better than shining stars--they are the sun around which the collective culural universe revolves.

Everybody never mention their parents--cause their parents and NO OTHER authority figures have any say or sway in their lives.

In spite of that, here is what I think I know about everybody's parents:

Everybody have cool parents (i.e. parents not like you or me). Everybody's parents always dress cool. They drive cool cars. They have a cool house. Everybody says they are cool. They spend TONS of money on their kids. Everybody's friends says Everybody's parents are the COOLEST.

Everybody's parents never set rules. They never discipline or judge their child--EVER. Everybody's parents never give advice or even float an opinion. They believe in allowing their child to set their own rules and to make their own choices and decisions on everything--always.

Everybody's parents ensure everybody has 100% absolute privacy and autonomy. They don't snoop or try and know anything about everybody's world--nothing about who they hang out with, what they do or even who they are. What would be the point? It's none of the parent's business and they know it. They trust their child in all things always.

Everybody's parents--are in no way like a referee--but are instead, in all ways the adoring, starstruck fan. There they are, ever standing on the sidelines no matter what their child does or says. They are ALWAYS supportive, NEVER critical--ever. Everybody's parents are their kid's friend. They are eye to eye in their relationship--some even call their parents by their first name. The parents tell everybody kid EVERYTHING--even ask the everybody's advice.

Parents of everybody always do only the fun things their kids want to do. They NEVER make their kids do stuff or go anywhere unless the child approves it. If the everybody kid says, "I'm bored" the everybody parent feels he or she has ultimately failed.

Update...a tribe of EVERYBODY kids has been found!

You can watch them on The Hills reality tv show (or in reruns of the old Laguna Beach show). Everybody is watching that show!

In COMMENTS below, share what YOU know about the elusive "everybody" kids out there, their parents and the influence of "everybody" on your kids.

See related posts:
Teens Commit Suicide as Others Cheer and Jeer
I Talked to My Daughter
Understanding the Teen Brain

Get help from these resources:
For parents: Have a New Kid by Friday: How to Change Your Child's Attitude, Behavior & Character in 5 Days
For teens: The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens

See these other Parentconsensus blogs:
A blog of parenting at its worst (cautionary tales): Families in the News
A blog on parenting and families at their best: Families That Inspire
A blog celebrating the joy of Christmas all year round: Christmastime Memories

Good Parents Prevent Their Children From Poking Their Eye Out

2008-12-22T16:47:00.003-05:00

(Eleven-year-old Chinese schoolboy Liu Cheong had a brush with death when his friend shot him in the head with a 16-inch arrow. Source for photos and the original article: ABC News)

Like Ralphie's mom...teacher...and even Santa Claus in the movie, A Christmas Story, the #1 thing we've all heard from our parents is:

"Don't __________ (any of 1000 things)--you'll poke (or shoot) your eye out!"

Interesting that the eye shoot-out is #1, while, "I love you!" is like the #8 thing parents say, right AFTER #7, "You got yourself into this mess, you can get yourself out!"

In fact, the #1 proof that one is a good parent is that you have successfully protected your child from getting their eye poked out or shot out. Because of this "good parents" are ever vigilant in protecting their children's eyes. Let something like this happen to your child...you are no longer qualified to be a good parent:

(X-ray of Eleven-year-old Chinese schoolboy Liu Cheong showing the arrow in his head.)

(This X-ray shows how, during a fall, a car key penetrated the eyelid of 17-month-old Nicholas Holderman of Kentucky, reaching his brain. Thankfully he suffered no permanent damage.)

Yes, an eye injury is about the biggest fear any good parent has--especially the "lightweights" who have never had to rush their child to the hospital. Not quite as big a deal for those of us bad parents who get Christmas cards from the local emergency room thanking us for our continued business. (Not to mention "frequent visit" discount...anyone with a kid in sports understands this.)

For most good parents...

• Broken arm?

Freak-out meter: Low

Squeam factor: Minor (much higher if the bone pierced the skin)

• Big gash on head?

Freak-out meter: High

Squeam factor: Major (Higher if you THINK you see the skull)

• Eye injury with any sharp object?

Freak-out factor: OFF THE CHARTS!

Squeam factor: EXTREME

Something about a sharp object in an eye, or poking out of the eye REALLY freaks us out--to the level of incoherence. For example, if you saw that picture above and quite nearly passed out--you are probably a good parent.

This has led to a number of good parent warnings that all basically point back to the eye (oops, bad choice of words). These warnings get more elaborate over the years:

"Don't touch that...you could poke your eye out."

"Don't run with your metal fork...you'll fall down, your arm will flail out and...you'll poke your eye out."

"Don't sword fight with sticks...because someone will poke at you with the SHARP end of the stick, you'll partially block it but deflect it and then....you'll poke your eye out!"

"Don't create darts made by pushing straight pins through erasers--attaching paper fins so they'll fly straight and throw them at each other in massive dart wars when you are working in the men's department at Belk-Lindsey...you'll poke your eye out. (Oh, this last one is something I did when I was 16 that my mom and dad did not know until now...:) (Yeah...these drew blood...)

These warnings get more elaborate because the longer you are a parent, the more horrific (and numerous!) the nightmare eye-injury scenarios become.

Honestly, by the time our children become teenagers, it's a wonder we're all not committed to psych wards or sedated for the duration SO vivid and SO numerous are these "tragimaginings." (One benefit: we can watch the SAW series of movies--is SAW X out yet?--with our teens and just laugh and laugh--not phased at all. Ho-hum. Been there, seen that. Yawn.)

I said all of the previous to say this: If your child suffers an eye injury, you can no longer consider yourself a truly good parent. Turn in your good parent card. It's over for you. I am sorry. No, there is no way back.

In COMMENTS below, share some of the "crazier warnings" your parents gave you and times when YOU almost shot or poked your eye out!

Related Posts:
How Being a Boy Almost Killed Me (If My Parents Had Known, They WOULDA' Killed Me!)
Two Tykes on Trikes Cross Highway on Quest for Quisp and Quake! Parenting and Nutrition

To find out more about the movie, A Christmas Story, click here: A Christmas Story

See these other great Parentconsensus blogs:
A blog featuring parents and famileis at their worst (cautionary tales): Families in the News
A blog featuring parents and families at their best: Families That Inspire
A blog celebrating the joy of Christmas all year round: Christmastime Memories

To read the complete article, click here: Injuries Children of Good Parents NEVER Risk Suffering

Good Parents Tell Their Children That if They Believe in Themselves, They Can Accomplish Anything!

2008-12-19T12:05:00.028-05:00

Sure right NOW...

...Little Susie Celine Schwartz makes the dog howl when she sings...but one day...she will fill arenas (even church people have said this--non-fibbers!), IF she just believes in herself.

...Little Ralphie Coltrane Parker's sax playing sounds like a duck being choked to death...but one day he will play on countless people's records, IF he just believes in himself.

...Little Michael Barack Bumpus just throws the basketball up in the air and hits himself on the head (he ain't but 3...BUT Tiger first picked up the clubs at 2!). And if he can't be the next Michael Jordan one day, he can always settle for being President, IF he believes in himself.

If you just believe in yourself, you can accomplish ANYTHING--it's what they've heard from their good parents all their lives--even at 3!

Here are some folks who were also told this by their good parents all their lives--and look what THEY'VE accomplished!

What is the #1 thing just about EVERYONE who has bombed on American Idol says? You guessed it: "My mom/dad always told me that if you just believe in yourself you can accomplish anything--that's why I'm going to be the next American Idol!"

Simon Cowell...well he just often often "believes" differently :) typically finding himself at "odds" with the good parent.

This "Just believe in yourself..." is SUCH a load of idiotic bunk! What you REALLY have to do is...close your eyes, click your heels together, toss a pinch of salt over your shoulder, knock on wood, vote for Pedro, and say over and over "I believe in me!"...and THEN you'll accomplish ANYTHING!

Oh and pay no mind to such unnecessary things as oh, I don't know...um...having a grip on reality, genuine talent, doing tons of hard work, having some smarts, knowing oneself, forging good relationships/connections, timing, recognizing opportunities and just plain old being lucky...
Just believe!!!

In COMMENTS below, let us know what you think. Do you agree with good parents that, "If you believe in yourself, you can accomplish anything!" What do you say to motivate or inspire your kids to accomplish good or big things?

Related posts:
Good Parents Raise Children to Be Winners
Good Parents Raise Only Gifted Children

Recommended Resources:
A Nation of Wimps: The High Cost of Invasive Parenting (Not for the thin-skinned!)
The Price of Privilege: How Parental Pressure and Material Advantage Are Creating a Generation of Disconnected and Unhappy Kids

Great Parenting Site: Parentconsensus
Families in the News (Cautionary Tales): Families in the News
Families That Inspire (Great families): Families That Inspire
Christmastime Memories (share your love for the holidays): ChristmasTime Memories

Good Parents Raise Children to Be Winners (The Baby Expo)

2008-12-09T15:13:00.013-05:00

My wife Karen and I ended up at a Baby Expo when my son was still very young. I don't remember how old he was, but I do remember he was an expert crawler--sometimes a stumbling, bumbling, rambling, four-step walker. So whatever age that is--he was. (Though I am SURE it was before MOST children do the stumbling, bumbling thing :)

After paying $6 each to get in, we had $50 to "splurge" with. We heard from the radio commercials that we could find deals and be eligible for prizes!

We realized we were in the wrong place pretty quickly. Picture the three of us in t-shirts and jeans, hobnobbing with a whole bunch of shiny, happy, WHITE yuppy families all adorned in Polo(down to the Polo pacifier). We were under-dressed and under-financed, in short--under-successorized.

As the Polo people excitedly made selections and purchases, we were in a cold sweat, checking prices on everything...cadillac stroller with side-impact airbags ($800), baby Nikes ($30), and OshKosh B'gosh outfits ($70+). (Well we can buy the Nikes!)

We came upon a large, boisterous crowd, and an announcer from a local radio station maniacally announcing an event of some kind. As we drew closer, we saw it. A complete setup for something they called Baby Olympics. Loud cheering and yelling parents all crowded around their little gladiators, I mean competitors. I was caught up in the madness.

The next thing I know, I am plunking Michael down at the starting line of a crawling competition. And I am right there like all the other dads, yelling "encouragement" (friend, some of those adults were downright SCARY!)

About halfway through the race, I looked around and got a whole new perspective (it was when Michael, my "expert crawler" started losing the race probably :) The adults were out of control, cheering on their little Polo babies, in the midst of a place with the overpriced best of everything--seeing who's kid was the best too.

Some would say it was all about the kids...but some of the kids in the race were crying and scared from all the noise and craziness. And none of them cared about the designer baby clothes or the pricey toys. Certainly not about the air-bagged stroller.

The "Baby" Expo had nothing to do with the babies--it had everything to do with the adults.
It was about image.
It was about dressing up and showing off.
It was about success (spelled $$$$$$$).
It was about raising a "winner."

By now, Michael had a secure lock on last place. At some point he'd lost interest in the race, had pulled off his Wal-Mart shoes and socks, and was laying on his back and spinning himself in circles on the floor he'd discovered was very slick. He was happy--amazingly--EVEN while wearing a K-Mart t-shirt and jeans.

As we walked out of the convention hall, the over-excited radio announcer boomed, "Last chance to enter your child in the Baby Beauty Contest!"

We walked faster...

In COMMENTS below, write about your concerns over parents who project their drive to win and for prestige onto their kids.

Related posts:
How good parents dress their kids
Good parents and their gifted children

Great Parenting Site: Parentconsensus
Families in the News (Cautionary Tales): Families in the News
Families That Inspire (Great families): Families That Inspire
Christmastime Memories (share your love for the holidays): ChristmasTime Memories

(MORE) Good Parents Make Their Kids "Face The Fear"!

2008-12-01T01:37:00.046-05:00

(A standalone post, but best read AFTER Good Parents Make Their Kids Face the Fear! )

The wild beast shown above can and has sent Bryan Schultz, 36, into a panic. He is afraid of "any small, furry animal that gnaws on things."

"Rabbits and squirrels are especially terrifying for me, but even non-rodentia, like ferrets, freak me out." He has never sought help or treatment. Instead, like many adults who were not helped as children, he copes with "modifications." For example, instead of walking on the sidewalk, he quickly moves to the street if he spots a squirrel in his path. (Source, CNN article below)

But such coping strategies are not answers. When a carpool buddy intentionally parked under a tree filled with squirrels as a prank, "I had to honk the horn and sit in the car for seven minutes" after his colleague had gone into the office, Schultz says. (Source, CNN article below.)

While living in Colorado in '99, we were swarmed by Miller moths, an occasional "infester" of Colorado . They were EVERYWHERE, and in EVERYTHING. Grandma was visiting at the time. One day, as she was driving our kids to a local park for a picnic, one of these moths suddenly flew around inside the car. My daughter Kristin, who was terrified of flying bugs (Entomophobia or Insectophobia), immediately screamed, unlatched her seat belt and opened the car door to JUMP OUT! Only a quick shot of maternal adrenalin enabled grandma to reach back and restrain Kristin from leaping, pulling the car over at the same time.

Why do I share all this? (I always have a point...) Simply to introduce a few more things to keep in mind for helping your child overcome a phobia or fear...

1) Be safe--extra diligence required. A child with a fear of dogs, startled by a dog on a sidewalk, may bolt into the street! Be ready. Anticipate.

2) Believe it is real. Avoid fixating on the idea the child is faking, being dramatic, or just trying to get attention. Frustration can sometimes tempt us to get these ideas. (Usually brothers or sisters tend to have one or more of these suspicions--and will freely share them. That does harm enough.)

3) Don't judge whether or not the child should have the phobia or tell them what they SHOULD be feeling. "I don't understand WHY you are so afraid of this! Don't get so worked up!" is not something at all helpful to verbalize.

4) Don't use the phobia to negatively compare a child to others. "Me, your mom, your brother Buzz, your sister Winny--none of US are afraid, so why are YOU?" Might as well just say, "You are SO WEIRD! There is NO ONE with your problem!! You can't be a part of this family with THIS!"

Acceptance, affirmation, encouragement and understanding from a motivation of love are the call of the day for helping your child overcome fears and phobias--nipping them in the bud when the child is still young.

Hopefully this post (and the previous one) will help you to approach fears or phobias in your child with a positive, nurturing mindest. For practical help and tips, see the book Freeing Your Child from Anxiety: Powerful, Practical Solutions to Overcome Your Child's Fears, Worries, and Phobias

FUN WITH PHOBIAS!
A few more "under-diagnosed" phobias you might want to keep an eye out for in your kids...or you!:
Macrophobia--Fear of long waits.
I definitely suffer from this. Why don't people understand I am busier and more important than them and so should not have to wait in line BEHIND them?
Coprastasophobia--Fear of constipation.
I don't have this...I DON'T...really. But I will. I can't tell you how many times an elderly gent has advised me at a buffet, as I pile on the cheese cubes, "Careful! That'll bind you up!" (Not yet old-timer, not yet...")
Arachibutyrophobia--Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth.
Wow, kids with this are NUTS! Ahem.
Aulophobia--Fear of flutes.
Would a fear of bad accordion-playing be called "Squeezebox-aphobia"? I have that real bad. Also "Autoharp-aphobia."
Chorophobia--Fear of dancing.
I wish MORE teens had this--or that they loved dancing less. Have you ever chaperoned "lambada/ dirty-dancing fest"? (aka, middle school dance) It's not really dancing anymore. Looks more like practicing standing sexual positions with clothes on--set to music. Just my old guy opinion :) Go and volunteer and form your own opinion.
Doxophobia--Fear of expressing opinions or of receiving praise.
As a consummate "good parent", I have not an ounce of this.
Ablutophobia--Fear of washing or bathing.
Every middle school boy suffers from this :)

MORE FUN WITH PHOBIAS

Oh, and speaking of squirrel phobias and fears...and this being "Christmastime", enjoy the infamous "SQUIRREL!" scene from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation:

In COMMENTS below, please add any freaky phobias you've run across and what you know works to overcome them.

Related Posts:
Good Parents Make Their Kids Face The Fear!
What You Gonna Do When Life Poops on You?

Recommended Movie: National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (Special Edition)

Here is a great book with practical tips to help your child to overcome fears or phobias: Freeing Your Child from Anxiety: Powerful, Practical Solutions to Overcome Your Child's Fears, Worries, and Phobias

Click here for the original CNN article: CNN Article on Phobias!

Good Parents Make Their Kids "Face The Fear"!

2008-11-30T22:44:00.006-05:00

Peyton Pinkerton, 37, has been known to run out of malls, fairgrounds, and other places "on repeated occasions," to flee the object of his personal phobia: clowns (Coulrophobia). Why, you ask?

"I was yelled at by a birthday party clown when I was about 4 years old and have been absolutely terrified of them ever since. If I'm surprised by seeing a clown, it's like snakes or rats. My fight-or-flight response kicks in," Pinkerton says. (Source: CNN article below.)

As a child I had a bad fear of unleashed dogs. If I saw them, my flight response kicked in and I was off to the races! (Typically with the dog hot on my heels--cause they like the running game!) Turns out that when I was a toddler, a big dog knocked me down and growled at me. That was it for me. (Cynophobia=fear of dogs)

The POINT is...phobias often begin in childhood through a traumatic event. And the various ways parents and the children themselves deal with phobias makes them worse typically. (The #1 reason women seek professional counseling is for help in overcoming a phobia.) (Source, CNN article below)

As any GOOD PARENT knows, there is no place for fear in the life of the successful person. No fear! Winners fight, losers take flight. When the child of the good parent experiences fear, to take advantage of the teachable moment (and to avoid
public embarrassment--Agoraphobia), the parent has only one strategy: "FACE THE FEAR, DUDE!"

Over the years, I've seen good parents employ various innovative strategies to help their cowering children "face the fear." Here are two:

A 7-ish looking boy who is obviously terrified of water (Hydrophobia) refusing to get into a vacation hotel pool. Apparently, by NOT swimming, the boy was starting to ruin his good dad's expensive %$#$#% vacation (cause that is what dear dad kept yelling at the kid). The macho dad's next best idea was to carry his now kicking and screaming son to the deep end and throw him in. Oh yes. This was smart.

After dropping like a rock, the boy popped above the water, screaming bloody murder, coughing and gagging on the water he swallowed. The dad continued to yell at him...finally pulling him out of the water by one arm and storming back to his hotel room....boy in tow (obviously dad was overcome by "Kakorrhaphiophobia"- a fear of failure or defeat).

--A 4-year-old girl who is terrified of dogs (cynophobia)--is screaming and trying to scramble away from a large dog. Mom then grabs her daughter's hand and forces her to pet the snout of the dog, angrily muttering encouragement through clenched teeth, "PET THE DOG! Stop being a SCAREDY CAT!" (no pun intended). Surprisingly the child, GOES NUTS! She kicks. She screams. She uses every ounce of her little body strength to try to run away. In short...a Hallmark moment.

Okay, so you tried throwing the kid into the pool, and making the daughter pet the savage beast close to the mouth. Hey, you even tried yelling and shaming...possibly even some "corporal" punishment. Well, goood effort. Maybe next time, try a few of these things...

1) Don't set a timeline on when a kid should overcome a phobia. Some will require a lot of your time and patience. PATIENCE! (My weakness is definitely impatience.)

2) Baby steps. Anyone who has seen, "What About Bob?" knows the importance of "baby steps." Don't throw the kid into the pool. Slowly approach the water with the child. When the child is ready, have them try sticking their tippy toes in the water, as you hold them securely, etc.

3) Encouragement and Love. Encourage your child. Your anger or ridiculing (making the child feel weird) will do zero good. (Well, they'll do as much good as when people try them on you :)

4) Professional help. Refer to the book Freeing Your Child from Anxiety: Powerful, Practical Solutions to Overcome Your Child's Fears, Worries, and Phobias or consider counseling.

Don't worry, it is STILL possible for your child to be a winner even if they have a phobia or two to overcome. Your status as a Good Parent CAN remain intact.

In COMMENTS below, let us know which phobias you or your child has faced and what seemed to help he or she to overcome it!

See this post for the Sequel to this post: (MORE) Good Parents Make Their Kids "Face the Fear"!

Related posts:
Loving example?
Is your child gifted?

Recommended movie: What About Bob?

Here is a great book with solid advice to help your child overcome fears and phobias: Freeing Your Child from Anxiety: Powerful, Practical Solutions to Overcome Your Child's Fears, Worries, and Phobias

Click here for the original article: CNN Article on Phobias!

Thanksgiving from Parentconsensus--Sharing Some Love for Parenting and Family Blogs! (TGPD)

2008-11-27T22:07:00.007-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving to you all!

I am grateful to my family Karen (wife of 23.5 years), Mike (the scholar), Kristin (the princess) for loving me (and for tolerating me when necessary)! They are a gift of God to me. They are my world and my love.

Here are four sites/ blogs I want to show some special love to today in NO particular order...(if I had more time there'd be more!!)

Thanks #1 Green Home Huddle
These fine folk encourage you to "huddle together. be greener". They feature a gorgeous, easy-to-use site to get you quality information fast on all things to make your home and lifestyle more eco-friendly.

They are also running a contest right now to introduce their expansion into Green Baby Products. They're giving away over $700 in organic baby care products, including prizes from Little Twig, Nature's Baby, Rainbow Research, Badger Balm, Miessence, HappyGreenBee, and Hankettes. Click here for contest: Contest!!!

Thanks #2 ice cream is not for breakfast
This excellent blog is part of the "lohudblogs", which is part of the group HudsonValley.MomsLikeMe.com which is regional part of the site momslikeme.com

Here are some recent posts I liked, and hopefully you will too:
Eating Healthy and Saving Money
subarus, knitting, colds, and onions (home remedies)
nearly fat-free brownies (MMmmmmmm--nearly is close enough for me)

Thanks #3 Family Matters (Ronit Baras)
Ronit Baras offers some of the meatiest and helpful posts on all matters family and parenting I've seen. Every post is solid. Nice mixing of practical with engaging personal style make this blog one of my favorites of all. (Also, in one of the favorite comments I've received on my posts, Ronit's husband Gal called me a "rascal" so I love that.) Ronit also has some amazing resources she sells on her Family Matters site.
Here are some of my favorite recent posts:
8 Worst Ways to Treat Your Teens
Hugs: The Ultimate Anti-Depressant
Lean on Me

Thanks #4 Clark Kent's Lunchbox
Clark was one of the first supporters of my bloggin'. I had already taken interest in his blog (GREAT concept, great content--it all works, plus he is just a heck-uva guy!) Anyway, you can ALWAYS count on Clark's content to be excellent. (Even with all his guest bloggers over the last month--all good as well.)

Here are some of my favorite posts:
Bad Boys of Daycare
It's Only a Rerun--Hitting Below the Belch
Lunchbox Recommends...Lord, Save Us From Your Followers

Thanks to all of you for all the work you do! (Forgive typos! I have to go help with Thanksgiving Dinner!)

Jim Kochenburger

Good Parents Raise Only Gifted Children! (The Story of Little "Drunk")

2008-11-22T08:39:00.007-05:00

(See above--Kid who does NOT belong to a Good Parent, i.e., my kid.)

Good parents must have gifted children. As everyone knows, children of good parents are to be little "mini-me's" of their brilliant, multi-talented, wildly successful mom and dad. Nothing validates good parents like a gifted child.

The goal is to be sure the child knows, from a very young age, that they are the "goodest". Certainly better than the under-achieving riff-raff (i.e. kids like yours!). A superior "snowflake." The annoying ones--errr, "anointed ones."

Watch one such parent in action in this clip from the old movie, Parenthood. (You need only watch it from the 4 minutes, 35 seconds mark through 5 minutes, 40 seconds).

Good parents spare no expense to ensure their child is gifted. On the way home from the hospital with their golden child, they drive immediately to get the child on the waiting list for the exclusive, private daycare "academy" in the city. You know, one of those "hoity-toity"(sp?) elite places that promises by the time your little Morgan-Elisea enters kindergarten, she will be fluent in three languages, be a piano or violin virtuoso, excel in one or more sports, and will test in the top 2% on all measures of "smarty-pants-edness." (All for a mere $1,200 a week per child!)

Good parents will not be dissuaded from the belief that their child is gifted. Call it tenacity (or clinging like grim death to a dream). Even if their kid ends up running around with a bucket on his head rather than learning French, tanking in his grades, and more interested in Guitar Hero III than the violin--that is all just evidence that he IS gifted, but acting out because he is so FAR HEAD of the other kids he is bored. Yes, what a magical fairy-land to live in.

I remember when I realized the death of my dream, realizing that my kids were NOT gifted. At first, I just felt DEEP disappointment in both of my children. How could they have let me down! (I heard Marvin Gaye in my head singing, "Makes me wanna' hollah'...the way they do my life!") Utter despair. After all my hard work, I was not to be a good parent--I was out of the club.

Looking back, I should have seen the warning signs. It was that birthday "party," my son attended when he was 4. The host child had invited a number of his "gifted" posse. I knew this because they had proudly written "(GIFTED)" on their name tags..."Hello! I'm: KIN or 'Golden' (Gifted)"

I wish I'd noticed this BEFORE I wrote on my son's name tag: "Hello! I'm: DRUNK!!" (It was a JOKE!) AT one point, Mike got too loud and host mom called out, "Little DRUNK!" You make brain hurt with loudnesss. Quiet manners please, okay?" She approached me for conversation later, "So you are DRUNK father?" Ummm... :)

The party hit full gear, with the "gifted"-tagged kids quietly discussing quantum physics and creating a scale model of a magical city called "Tokyo/ DC", using only Lego's. My son gave this about 30 seconds of focused thought, then found a hula hoop, a length of rope and a kid that was also not "gifted"-tagged and they were soon in the yard "lassoing" each other.

There were other clues. I've been to other parties over the years. Same deal. Good parents holding me captive spouting on and on about their gifted child. In response, I experience the temptation to self-harm. Followed soon after by a profound sense of losing my will to live. Ultimately, I resorted to sarcasm just to make the bloated, ultimately self-glorifying monologues STOP! Some examples follow:

GOOD PARENT: My son (pre-K) just had his first oil painting entered in the County art fair. He won top prize!

SARCASTIC ME: My son (same age) just colored a house with stick people--he didn't even trace! And he only ate one crayon! We are SO proud!

GOOD PARENT: My daughter is skipping 2nd grade, going straight from 1st to 3rd grade! Hopefully 3rd grade will challenge her, at least a little bit!

ME: My daughter gets to repeat the first grade--once she gets out of juvie! So you know, we're happy.

GOOD PARENT: My oldest daughter, Melissa is busy with so many extra-curriculars: She tutors junior high kids, heads up the debate team, edits the school newspaper, is on the school swim team, and...

ME: Extra-curriculars...hmmm, my daughter is really into talking on the phone and texting--she texts REAL FAST! It's amazing...

GOOD PARENT: Suzette is now fluent in French--imagine that--fluent at 7!

ME: My daughter just learned a new curse word in French!

(Yes all lies...but it made me feel better.)

Recent research shows that like 98% of parents think their child is gifted, while the real percentage closer to like 5% at best. (See the excellent article below "Is your kid really gifted? Probably not." ). Oh yeah, you'll want lots of copies of that for all those good parents you know out there :)

In COMMENTS below, tell us about your gifted child! Actually, please don't. :) Seriously, how do you know what is fair to expect from your child?

When might a parent be pushing too hard or expecting too much? Expecting too little?

Suggested Resource:
Your Child's Strengths: Discover Them, Develop Them, Use Them

Other posts:
Caring About What People Think
Good Parents Make Sure Their Child Stands Out

Superb article for enriching your child's life and for stimulating their desire to learn and more: Is your kid really gifted? Probably not

Nominate an inspirational family (preferable one with a gifted child...hee): Families That Inspire

Good Parents Ensure a Germ-Free Home and WORLD for Their Children...or Die Trying! (Part 2)

2008-11-16T00:01:00.006-05:00

Note: Continued from Part 1--click here to see it now: Good Parents Ensure a Germ-Free Home and WORLD for Their Children...or Die Trying! (Part 1)

Want to mess with a germaphobe "good parent's" mind? Here are a few ideas:

1) Remind them the kitchen--not the bathroom--is the nastiest room in the home. Mention that video you saw one time where they used a bacteria-detecting lamp to show all the bacteria in some ladies kitchen. She SEEMED to keep a clean kitchen--she was wrong. The lamp showed bacteria all over her counters, the fridge, the sink and...all over her son! (Better yet, tell them this at your house so they will clean your kitchen for you. They must do this--they are too good not to!)

2) Need your bedroom linens changed? While at your home, perhaps sitting on your bed, tell the germaphobe good parent about dust mites (Dermatophagoides spp) and how they love to eat dead skin scales off people as they sleep. (Linens changed immediately)

3) Want that last slice of pie--taken by a germaphobe good parent? Tell them about how food mites are on almost any food--especially baked goods using flour (mites love flour!) They will abandon the plate...and you will have that pie. (Time this right, BEFORE they take a bite, after all do you know how many bacteria are in the human mouth??? A cesspool!!) Oops, I am showing my germaphobe colors.

4) Finally, if a good parent germaphobe is getting on your nerves and you want them to leave (because they are not so subtley pointing out how dirty your home is by taking it upon themselves to: start wiping down your kitchen counters, cleaning your child's hands, washing your dishes, etc.) Tell them about the "Treeman." See his pictures below.

What you see above is the result of bacteria, i.e. GERMS!! His condition all started with a cut on his skin. A certain HPV (human papillomavirus) entered via the cut, creating wart-like growths and finally, "The virus hijacked his skin cells, causing it to produce massive amounts of keratin, a protein found in hair and fingernails."

Oh, and speaking of mites, one doctor who examined him said, "He had insects living in the base of the wood-like material." (Source, Discovery Health, and CNN--see "Treeman" article link below.)

Not one germaphobe good parent has stuck around after hearing this story. Most make a mad dash for home, calling a Hazmat team on their cell to sterilize their home. Then they steam-clean their children. Works EVERY time. :)

FINAL WORD: It is important to keep a clean home, and to keep our kids clean and to do what it takes to keep them healthy. BUT, we cannot protect our children from everything no matter how hard we work or how good a parent we may be :) Some of us need to reign in our efforts, otherwise we will freak out our kids with our fear.

Parenting is hard work enough--throw an obsession or compulsion for cleanliness in there and you make the parenting job nigh impossible--even for you...as good a parent as you are. :)

In COMMENTS below, leave us your cleaninless tips or some of the crazy things some of us germaphobe good parents do that drive you nuts!

See related posts:
Tot Found Beneath FloorBoards in Filthy Home
Keeping Kids Safe--In Spite of Them

For a GREAT article from webmd on keeping your kitchen clean, read this: Keeping the Dirtiest Room in the House Clean

For great organic and eco-friendly kitchen cleaners (and other GREAT green ideas), see the blog: Eco-friendly kitchen cleaners and MORE!

For tips on cleaning wounds and home first aid, this book is highly recommended: The American Red Cross First Aid and Safety Handbook

To see the original "Treeman" article, see this link: Cause of 'Treeman's' barklike growths revealed

Good Parents Ensure a Germ-Free Home and WORLD for Their Children...or Die Trying! (Part 1)

2008-11-15T13:34:00.008-05:00

Good parents ensure a germ-free environment in their home (and WORLD). They are "germaphobes" and proud of it. For the good parent, a child with a cold, runny nose or fever means just one thing, failure. Well, failure and shame!

You'll recognize these good parents easily--throwing themselves between the sneezer and their child (the sneezee), saying loudly, "Move away, move behind me, you don't want to get sick!!" Boarding the subway or bus telling their kids not quietly, "Now don't touch anything--dirty, FILTHY, BAD!!," immediately producing the anti-bacterial gel for a quick de-germ. Repeats the same after they exit.

They are constantly saying "NOW, what do you have on your hands??" as they follow their child around with a Clorox wipe to clean any surface the child may decide to touch. The way they see it, these crusading parents are locked in a daily struggle for the very life of their child--snatching them from the jaws of death daily.

Yeah, we all know a few of these germaphobe good parents. Some of us "is" one.

What's AMAZING is the kids the germaphobe good parent gets.
* A kid who eats the dog or cat food out of the pet's bowl? Yep, a horrified germaphobe's child.
* Raiding the garbage for a snack? A gagging germaphobe's kiddo.
* A kid who plays with his toy boat in the toilet? The kiddo of a germaphobe good parent who suspects God may be punishing them for something.
* A kid who smears poop all over crib and walls? Child of a mortified germaphobe good parent who now questions God's existence.

"Bad" parents who live in dirty, filthy homes? Their kids never do stuff like this.

Good parents insist "cleanliness is next to godliness," but judging from what their kids do, we understand that God has a GREAT sense of humor.

(Continued in Part 2: Good Parents Insure a Germ-Free Home and WORLD for Their Children...or Die Trying! (Part 2))

In COMMENTS below leave us your cleaninless tips!

See related posts:
Tot Found Beneath FloorBoards in Filthy Home
Keeping Kids Safe--In Spite of Them

For a GREAT article from webmd on keeping your kitchen clean, read this: Keeping the Dirtiest Room in the House Clean

For great organic and eco-friendly kitchen cleaners (and other GREAT green ideas), see the blog: Eco-friendly kitchen cleaners and MORE!

For tips on cleaning wounds and home first aid, this book is highly recommended: The American Red Cross First Aid and Safety Handbook

Important Message on Monitoring Your Children and Teenagers Online

2008-11-12T23:32:00.012-05:00

Important: This is NOT one of those wonderful blogs that do nothing but advertise products, or offer faux reviews. This is a one-time suggestion of a software to protect your children online. If you'd prefer to leave now, consider these blog posts of mine that a lot of people seemed to enjoy:
Ugly Son? It's Dad's Fault, Study Shows...
Gag-Proof Your Parenting Attitude! (Get the Funk Out Your Home!)
The Zippy and Lippy Show--Dad Gone Wild!

Here is a link to this GREAT software! Spector Pro 6.0

Still here? Okay, here's the deal...there are many different software programs out there to help keep your child safe on the Internet. But once your child gets into the upper-elementary age-group, such software becomes far less effective (kids can't get to the game sites or music sites they want to get to with the other software and you have to set the filters to be so loose, the protection of the software becomes practically useless).

As kids get older, you need a way to MONITOR them. (At least that's been my experience. But perhaps your child is perfect. :)

Features of Spector Pro. Spector Pro’s excellent combination of monitoring features: Screen Snapshots, Chat/IM Activity, Web Sites Visited, Email Activity, Program Activity and Keywords Detected. They also have three new features: MySpace Activity, Online Searches and Top 10 Summary Reports.

Without getting into too much detail, our monitoring has kept our daughter safe several times already. One time we were alerted she had tried to input our address. Another time we were alerted to cyber-bullying. A third time we picked up on some boys that were 19 and 20 flirting with our daughter online and trying to get her to meet them (then 14)--that one was a lot of fun.

That is what makes this software so good.

Plus the install was easy and the customer service was excellent. So if you want it, go ahead and buy it. If you don't want it or if you are uncomfortable with that level of monitoring of your child's online activity, simply don't buy it. Thank you for your time and tolerance.

There is a corporate version of this. Sales have been brisk due to statistics showing that the average worker admits spending over 2 hours a day of company time surfing the internet for non-business related purposes. (Emphasis there on the "admits". To corporate, it's called "time theft"--though buffooned recently on the wonderful show The Office--still a reality.) Yeah, if companies could get that 25% of worker time back...maybe there won't be as many lay-offs...word to the wise, warning to the wise guys.

You may balk at the price of this product (at this writing $84.99 on Amazon) ...to me, it is the best $85 I ever spent. Worth EVERY penny for the peace of mind it brings.

Here is the link again to learn more: Spector Pro 6.0

Ugly Son? It's Dad's Fault, Study Shows...

2008-11-08T00:30:00.022-05:00

<--Both of the above were DAD's fault!-->

In America, one of our most important tasks, as good parents, is to produce beautiful children. The reason for this is two-fold, 1) it makes our friends jealous, and, 2) it allows us the ability to put a spotlight on our own attractive features by pointing them out in our children.
It works like this:
Jessica's Mom to friend:: "Jessica's eyes are so pretty in this portrait."
Desired response delivered from same friend: "She's beautiful, she has your eyes."
Jessica's Mom to friend: "Oh, you're so sweet for saying that." (Thinks: Yes, she is beautiful. Yes, she gets it from me.)

:) Everyone is smiley happy!!

Then a study comes along and rains "reality" on the beauty parade. According to this study: if you are a beautiful girl, you should thank DAD. Because good-looking dad was responsible for that. According to this study, good-looking dads produce beautiful daughters. (And I can personally attest to the truth of at least THIS part of the study :)...ahem.)

On the OTHER hand, If you "ain't 'nud'n' BUT ugly" (or "butt ugly")...and you're a boy--you have one more thing to BLAME dad for--he did it! Again, this is "true" IF your dad is a hunk. (For example: Youngblood, if your dad is Brad Pitt you have NO CHANCE at being boy pretty, no chance--you WILL look like a troll.)

Even a beautiful "Jewish mom" can't get her sons into the kingdom of "handsome." The mother's beauty "makes no difference to her adult sons." :(

Carry on all you hunky good dads out there--Keep up the good work on keeping the FEMININE beauty factor high in our great land. Good-looking moms--clearly this study is rubbish, right?...it is, isn't it? :)

In the COMMENTS section below, let us know how the whole "beauty" thing in our society affects your self-image, and that of your daughters and sons.

Here are two great resources for helping your child or teen develop a healthy self-image:
For children: The Five Love Languages of Children
For teens: The Five Love Languages of Teenagers

For related posts, see:
Blaming Dad
Dad and Daughter Relationship
"Lippy" the Unsmart Dad--and His Spawn (Son) "Zippy"!

Visit the site where good parents like you with VERY attractive children, compare notes: The website for ALL parents--good looking or not

To see the original article, click here: Good Looking Fathers Make Ugly Sons, but Beautiful Daughters (Source: Fox News from the Telegraph, by Auslan Cramb, Scottish Correspondent)

#1 Secret of the Parenting Universe Revealed (Hint: Media, Teen Sex, THE Talk)

2008-11-05T00:30:00.007-05:00

"(CNN) -- Sexual content on television is strongly associated with teen pregnancy, a new study from the RAND Corporation shows. Researchers at the nonprofit organization found that adolescents with a high level of exposure to television shows with sexual content are twice as likely to get pregnant or impregnate someone as those who saw fewer programs of this kind over a period of three years." (Source, "Study links sexual content on TV to teen pregnancy," by Elizabeth Landau.)

"A strong association between sexual content on television and teen pregnancy is not surprising, said Dr. Yolanda Wimberly, an assistant professor of clinical pediatrics at the Morehouse School of Medicine and the medical director for the Center for Excellence in Sexual Health." Well, I'm the medical director for Common Sense and I am sayin'--Ya think???

This is the second article in a row I've blogged about recently that suffer from "stating the obvious-itis." (See the other #2 Secret of the Parenting Universe )

I mean seriously, how many people would say "No way--I think kids can watch all kinds of sex and stuff on TV and/ or porn and WON'T want to try it (and risk pregnancy as a result)!" Thankfully, most who think that are smart enough not to say it. Hey, gold stars for that!

Actions send a different message. If parents believe that sex saturated media is NOT okay for their kids, and yet do nothing to guard their kids from it, or to help them process what's coming in, they get a big fat, red "unsatisfactory effort" for their actions and tacitly send the message to kids that it IS okay.

What I am hearing and overhearing via the teen "grapevine" leads me to conclude that MANY teenage boys in particular, are what I call "porn-addled." This may not be a big deal to some who claim "it's just natural curiosity" and ("boys will be boys, haw, haw"). But to us parents who care, especially dads of teen daughters, we gotta say--there are a bunch of knuckleheaded, horn-dog boys lurking out there. (With ALL due respect.) (And the same thing is growing in girls.)

Far too many of our young men (and a growing number of girls) are...

* emotionally under-developed (intolerant of delayed gratification),

* mentally weak (lack sense of responsibility, have not been significantly challenged to be purposeful and mature),

* sexually overcharged due to the sight and sound of media sex coming at them from every direction. Most have no one helping them sort this all out.

Very few teens (especially boys) have a parent or authority figure in their life who has made it a priority in their life to guide the teen--to coach them on how to respond, react to or "process" all this "media sex" in a healthy way.

Think about it. Just about EVERY popular song, movie, product, or internet video marketed and targeted to teens cheerleads them on to be sexual "beasts," rather than sexual beings who are people of character (thanks Axe cologne and all you others).

I know the cry of the day in our society is no limits and no censorship of any kind. Sounds good...just doesn't "live" good--especially as it involves kids. The same society that unleashes pornography on these kids, gawks in wonder at why so many boys have a "predatorial" versus a "protective" mindset towards girls (and why girls are gaining on them in this). The desire to control, to "score," to conquer prevails, while the ability to love and respect is pitifully scarce.

We're producing perpetual boys--muscled and six-pack abs though they may have--not men. Beutifully sculpted even plastic-surgeried girls--not women.

Sex insanity in our society has the microphone and is blasting at the kids from "booty" rap ("grind that b******" and "tap' that ho'"), to MTV Spring break specials, nasty music videos with scantily clad women pouring themselves onto stone-cold stoic artists, to porn on the Internet. While all this rages, too-busy parents, are too often...SILENT.

One way to always reach your parenting goals is to set them VERY low. Some parents excel at low goals for their kids. They have given up on a purity goal for their kids--they conclude it's not possible. But then they make a BIG mistake--they don't even try ANYTHING, no limits, no talks, nothing.

I've soap-boxed long enough. Here are some things ALL us parents must do...(as tired and over-busy as we all are):

1) Watch shows with your teens (not porn :) that show the progressions of a "relationship"--you know, what passes for relationship in modern media--the first date/ know each other ten minutes and you jump in the sack together. Talk about the characters, elements of a real relationship, the choices, the consequences, the nature of real love, respect, sex,
etc.

2) Have open conversations with your children about sex
--from a young age. Boy, my parents sure creeped me out with those conversations when I was young--I mean, who wants to think of their parents as sexual? Gross! But looking back...their words were ringing in my head when I faced tough choices. Is your voice ringing in your kid's head--or is there only SILENCE?

3) GUARD your children. Insist on rules for Internet and phone use. Have guidelines for acceptable movies and those that aren't. Know their friend and parents of friends...before placing your child under that parent's "supervision".

It's time for our voices to be heard. Every day we stay silent...our children grow a day older...and we miss an opportunity...and the days go by. Only when we speak up and speak into our children's lives do we help them grow up to be healthy sexual human beings.

Here is a great software, I highly recommend for monitoring your child's internet use (and believe me I've tried MANY): Spector Pro 6.0

For discussing sex with children: The Talk: What Your Kids Need to Hear from You About Sex

For discussing sex with teens: What Smart Teenagers Know...About Dating, Relationships & Sex
Christian resource for helping shape your child or teen's sexual character: How And When to Tell Your Kids About Sex: A Lifelong Approach to Shaping Your Child's Sexual Character (God's Design for Sex (Unnumbered))

Share your sex-talk tips with other parents here: #1 Parenting Forums

See the original story here: Study links sexual content on TV to teen pregnancy

For related topics, see these posts:

teen sex
teen nudity, internet

#2 Secret of the Parenting Universe Revealed: (Hint: Video Games and Violence)

2008-11-01T21:51:00.002-04:00

"About 90 percent of U.S. kids ages 8 to 16 play video games, and they spend about 13 hours a week doing so (more if you're a boy). Now a new study suggests virtual violence in these games may make kids more aggressive in real life." (Pediatrics journal, November 2008)

Surprised? After years of us parents having no clue :), this study shows that kids who play violent video games ARE more aggressive in real life. Ohhhh, and all this time I thought letting my kid immerse himself in hours and hours of uninterrupted violence, killing human prey or enemies by gun, knife, chain saw, explosives--whatever--was a GOOD thing. Wow, my bad.

My whole world doesn't make sense now.

I have some experience in research so I always love when a study says something like this one does, "Japanese children rated their own behavior in terms of physical aggression, such as hitting, kicking or getting into fights with other kids; the U.S. children rated themselves too, but the researchers took into account reports from their peers and teachers as well."

Well that is proof enough for me! Kids self-assessing along with teachers (not parents??) and peers (who don't want to rat out their friend)--now those are FACTS you can stand on. One researcher described this study as "pretty good evidence" of a link between virtual and real life violence. Huh?

Okay, so this study suffers from "stating the obvious-itis." That aside, it does offer us some good reminders of the potential downside to
violent video games:

* Kids could internalize the message that the world is hostile and acting aggressively is on OK way to deal.

* Kids could become de-sensitized to violence, emotionally numb. This makes it easier for kids to become violent.

* The pervasiveness of violence in media has led to a "culture of disrespect"
in which children get the message that it's acceptable to treat one another rudely and even aggressively.

Here are some things you can do:

1) For YEARS all good parents have felt "conflicted" between letting our kids do what they like--playing video games with fake people, and making them do what they don't like--playing outside with other real people. Nevertheless...outside is good. Kids now just don't readily get the whole "outside" excitement thing because it is new to them. Push them OUT--and join them to insure optimum fun.

2) Limit time on video games. You have the right to do this.

3) Especially with young kids, keep the game system in a public area where you can observe and monitor.

4) Abide by game ratings. (Make sure games are appropriate for your child.)

So dads, I guess we should no longer count on bonding moments with our sons shouting "Head shot, son! Shoot him in the head!" Let's hear a collective, aaaawwwwww. :) NOW, what are we supposed to bond over with our kids????

Okay, so another secret of the parenting universe is revealed...at least until the next study comes out and contradicts it. I expect that before Christmas :)

Here are some books to learn more about our digital kids and the effect of violent media upon them:
Grand Theft Childhood: The Surprising Truth About Violent Video Games and What Parents Can Do
101 Movie Clips That Get Families Talking
Grown Up Digital: How the Net Generation is Changing Your World HC
Born Digital: Understanding the First Generation of Digital Natives

Related topics and posts:
Violence
Risky Bevavior
Better monitor and better control your child's video game playing, click on this link: Video game playing guidelines and advice!

To see the original article, click on this link: Violent video games linked to child aggression

Gag-Proof Your Parenting Attitude! (Get the Funk Out Your Home!)

2008-10-29T13:03:00.016-04:00

Gag reflex warning: Best read by those with a minimal gag reflex. The rest of you, please move to somewhere safe before reading and/or grab a brown paper bag,

Test 1: PUKE! Still okay? You passed.

Test 2: Video

Okay, you are good to go.

The Pool of Vomit That Swallowed the Smithsonian!

Well almost. This is a true story.

I was in the band in high school. (I promise, WE were cool. Okay, okay, maybe we weren't). So anyway, our band went on a trip up to Washington DC for a competition and to march in a parade. We also got in quite a bit of sightseeing at the various monuments.

On one particular day, we were visiting one of the Smithsonian's. I was with a group of 5-6 people. We were bopping past the snack bar, talking and laughing, paying no attention to where we were going (as teenagers are wont to do) when I suddenly looked down to see a HUGE puddle of vomit!!

I was on point, but didn't even have time to tell my groupmates. As I acrobatically sidestepped the puddle I got a little bit on my shoe. Stephanie right behind me wasn't as lucky...she stepped right in--looked down, and IMMEDIATELY threw up...thus making this already impressive vomit puddle even more expansive. The rest of us were sent reeling and gagging away.

No one escaped unscathed. As we sat down and did our best to wipe the vomit from our shoes...another group of band members came strolling by.

"Mary! Susan!" we shouted. Too late.

Next thing we knew, Mary and Susan BOTH went sloshing through the vomit lake--looked down, and IMMEDIATELY threw up!! A bystander who had been laughing at everyone else was overcome and PROJECTILED TOO--which started another vomit pool.

Finally, the Smithsonian cleaning crew showed up, sprinkled the pixie dust on the puke ocean (and pond) and the Smithsonian was saved from the vomit threat. And we, we who endured the horror together became very close, like a family. A family of vomit funk survivors.

Believe it or not, there is a tie in here with parenting--besides the importance of having a strong gag reflex. (Somebody holla' poopy diaper!!!) And I wanted a RIVETING attention-getter to make this point unforgettable.

It's all about attitude ma and/or pa.

The gag reflex is powerful. When vomit funks up a place--the sight and smell of it causes an IMMEDIATE reaction in everyone there.

In the same way, if we typically grumble, complain, act grumpy and rude--and inflict that on others in our home, we totally funk up the environment. People gag on that and start spewing out the same filthy funk right back at us.

Make no mistake, as parents we set the attitude tone in the home. If it's a sweet-smelling attitude in the home, and you're all chill with love, positivity, courtesy and respect, I guarantee you or another "together" adult is behind it.

If it be funky up in the home? An adult is probl'y behind that too. And we all make the choice every day between a "funky" or "sweet-smelling" attitude tone in our home. What's yours...today?

Ready to de-funkify the tone in your home? Click on this link: Home De-Funkifier

In COMMENTS below, let us know what you do to maintain a loving attitude and positivite spirit in your home.

Do you know a family that is a shining light of love and positivity? Nominate them here: Families That Inspire

Check out the he website for parents...with an attitude: Parenting With 'Tude

It's ALL Dad's Fault!!

2008-10-22T00:14:00.017-04:00

Self-image tanking? Insensitive "comments" from DAD caused this.
Rebellious and delinquent? Authoritarian DAD--with all his laws and regulations did this to us.
Sexually active at a young age? DAD didn't say "I love you" enough and wasn't caring or affectionate--we were just looking for love.
Angry at men? Dang straight, because DAD ticked us off so much, all up in our biz!
No direction in life? DAD wasn't there to help us find our way--he was too busy finding his own.
Abandonment issues? DAD left at some point, didn't care about us.

Headaches? DAD used to get headaches.
Demanding, mean person? DAD again--Old Yeller.
Bad hair day? DAD's fault (he has hair too--well, a little).
Struggling to be a good parent? It's the OLD MAN's fault too!

In my junior high school, when "momma" jokes were flourishing, there was a saying amongst my many fatherless friends, "Say what you want about the old man...but don't talk about the lady." That's kind of a mantra for a lot of folks, even now.

Dads are to blame for pretty much everything. No question we have a bad dad problem in our country--more than our share of them. And their negative impact on our lives can be crippling--for a time. BUT friend if you are even in your upper 20's and you are still citing the bad dad mantra--time to move on. (Hey, blaming my dad worked swell for me over the years!)

Bears repeating, you must move on.

Let me tell you a story (shared as true).

With a Dad Like Mine...
A story is told of two twin brothers, sons to a father who was "ain't nuthin' but worthless" (Southern twang). A drunken scoundrel, a brawler, a thief, an adulterer, a cheat--all this and more could describe him. He was in and out of jail throughout the boy's coming up years.

As the years went by, the boy's paths diverged. One twin followed the exact path of his father. He got into drugs at a young age, became an alcoholic and was committed to a life of crime. He was angry, mean and he achieved quite an extensive criminal record. By age 20 he was doing serious time at the state pen.

The other twin graduated valedictorian of his class, went to college and becamse a wildly successful, self-made business man. He was a happy, upstanding, well-adjusted guy--inspiring even. He also happened to be running for public office. The brothers had not spoken in years.

A reporter became aware of the story of the two brothers. He was so intrigued by the opposite paths the brothers had followed...he knew there was a story to find.

The reporter interviewed both brothers. The successful brother who lived in a nice big house in one of the most exclusive suburbs in town and the incarcerated brother in his "home" at the state pen.

As the reporter went through his questions, he happened to ask both brothers about their notorious father. When asked why each was where he was in life, both teared up and said the SAME exact thing:
"With a dad like mine...how could I have turned out any other way?"

Think about it...we have more power over our path than we might imagine...and so do our kids.

Click here for help in overcoming toxic parenting: Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life

In COMMENTS below, please make your opinion known:

* Was your dad a good dad or a bad dad? Why?

* Is the "bad dad" thing just a bum rap or is it true? Why?

* What role do our choices play in our life's outcome?

* What are the choices we need to make to overcome the wounds or harm of bad parenting by our dads (or moms)?

Be sure to visit our sister blog: Families in the News or the dad blog of a friend of mine who is doing great things: Clark Kent's Lunchbox

Click on this link to be taken to the site for parents who AREN'T afraid of being parents, Parentconsensus.com: The Website Every Parent Needs

Click on this link for info on a book packed with great discussions for you and your teen about purpose in life and good decision-making (with a dork-free guarantee)! 101 Movie Clips That Get Families Talking

See these posts for more "good dad" and "bad dad" reading:

Parents: The Ticking Crocodile Chases Each of Us

Caring About What People Think

Even the Bad Dads Need Love This Father's Day

Talula Does the Hula and More Great Names for Children (Families in the News, #8)

2008-10-17T00:21:00.001-04:00

(New Zealand) Some names are so weird they constitute child abuse, according to a court in New Zealand. The family court judge reached that conclusion after hearing evidence in the case of a girl named "Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii." In a nutshell: The clueless parents were so resolute in keeping their daughter's name as it was, that she had to take them to court and become a ward of the state just to get her name changed. Sheesh!

Yes, Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii was her name. It's not just stars like Courteney Cox and Gwyneth Paltrow coming up with wackadoo names for their kids (Coco and Apple respectively). There are also the wonderful names us regular folks come up with, like Tamikalashika Chantalisha Wilson, or Princess Chiquita-Kiwi Smith.

On the mild side, unusual but not wack, my high school creative writing teacher gave her girls the names: Glitter, Sparkle, and Twinkle. (Hey man...it was the late 70's man, and man she was like, far out, dressed hippy-ish, funky and was cool--one of my favorite teachers).

So getting back to Talula...and the twins named Benson and Hedges (yes, really). fortunately, New Zealand authorities have been able to prevent unsmart parents from using these names: Fish and Chips, Yeah Detroit, Stallion, Twisty Poi, Keenan Got Lucky, Sex Fruit, Fat Boy, Satan, Adolf Hitler and 4Real.

Some "rather unfortunate" names that made it through the system were: O.crnia (after how her mother spelled "Oceania" when texting), Violence, Midnight Chardonnay and Number 16 Bus Shelter.

A few rules of thumb for naming your kids...

1) Don't name your child when under the influence. If history has taught us anything, it is, do not name children when drunk, just after dropping acid, or while tripping on hash--or conversely, when you are off your prescribed meds. This is where names like "Euphoric Fruit Punch," "Moon Doe", "Harmony Vibe" and all variations of "Sky" came from (Skye, Skytripper, etc.)

2) Avoid referencing your current emotion or state of mind. We know having a baby makes you feel "Happy", or "Sleepy" or even "Hiptastic", but don't be "Dopey" or your kid will end up "Grumpy." "Joy" is okay--though not for a boy--Joy-Boy bad. "Hiptastic" is not good for a girl or boy.

3) It's not about YOU! It's not about having a lifelong joke to tell, memorializing a favorite memory (Yeah Detroit couldn't have come from that...:) ) or paying tribute to a hero. One unfortunate girl has 25 middle names, all after prize fighters: "Autumn Sullivan Corbett Fitzsimmons Jeffries Hart Burns Johnson Willard Dempsey Tunney Schmeling Sharkey Carnera Baer Braddock Louis Charles Walcott Marciano Patterson Johansson Liston Clay Frazier Foreman Brown."

Apparently this was done because her grandparents were, "obsessed with boxing and have a bit of a daft sense of humor." Yes, daft captures it.

4) Name the child Jacob or Emily---like EVERYONE else!!! (Top names this year.) But avoid the temptation to name him or her Jacily (Ja-silly). Okay, thanks.

In COMMENTS below, let us know...

some of the unusual OR downright crazy child names amongst your friends and family.
what you think of parents who do this.
if a bad or unusual name is a form of child abuse as the New Zealand court ruled.
great sources for child names...that won't land you in court with your kid some day.

To read the original article, follow this link (from July 2008): http://blogs.usatoday.com/ondeadline/2008/07/parents-lose-cu.html and http://blogs.usatoday.com/ondeadline/2007/06/one-baby-girl-n.html?loc=interstitialskip

Click on this link to be taken to top parenting site, Parentconsensus.com: The Website Every Parent Needs

Click on this link to find out how to have discussions with your teen (with a dork-free guarantee)! : 101 Movie Clips That Get Families Talking

Here is the current, #1 selling book on baby names (click on the link for info): The Baby Name Wizard: A Magical Method for Finding the Perfect Name for Your Baby

For "Buzz Worthy Baby Names" I recommend: http://www.buzzworthybabynames.blogspot.com/

How Being a Boy Almost Killed Me (If My Parents Had Known, They WOULDA' Killed Me!)

2008-10-13T14:08:00.046-04:00

When I was growing up, I could have died. Real bad. A whole bunch of times. And my parents never knew it until now. ("Hi mom and dad!")

Oh and don't feel so smug about your kids. Chances are you won't find out until 20 years from now about the numb-skulled, death-defying craziness your child is into RIGHT NOW. I am talking about the kind of stuff that could turn them into a potted plant--or plant them six feet under. (Think of all YOUR death-defying "Jackass TV show"-like near death experiences!) And why don't you know? Because they are afraid you would KILL them if you found out!

Here were just a few of my near-death experiences:

Death By Hot Dog and Kool-Aid--I was 5-years-old, at my friend Bernard's birthday party. There were many hot dogs. Me and Bernard, being the party "clowns"--competed to see how many we could stuff into our mouths. I ended up with such a huge wad of hotdog and bun in my mouth that I could not chew or swallow. That LAST thing I was going to do was spit out the whole glob...but I swear it was about to gag me.

Some kids noticed and started making fun and laughing. I couldn't help myself and started laughing real hard which made me choke real bad. I ran to a bush, and spit out a real lot. I returned to the table and drank some Kool-Aid. I started laughing again--and Kool-Aid came out of my nose!! I was petrified--I thought it was blood. I seriously thought I could have died real bad--twice in 3 minutes.

Arrows From Heaven
There was this time when I was 5 or 6, playing with a big group of kids, when a teenage boy invited us over to his back yard. We were honored a cool teenager even paid attention to us without trying to take our money or push us around. So we went.

The game he introduced us to this day was simple: He would shoot target arrows up into the sky...and all us little kids would try to avoid them as they came back down. :)

What a blast! When his friend joined him and we had two arrows to stay away from it got really crazy! What a fun time--that is, until I got tired of looking up. That's when a falling arrow grazed my shoulder. Six inches over...at best I'd still be trying to re-learn my ABC's today, worst-case I could have been dead, real bad.

BB Gun Ricochet
Like Ralphie in, A Christmas Story, I TOO got a Red Ryder BB gun for Christmas. I was 9. Just like Ralphie, I put the target right up against a piece of scrap metal, pumped off a shot and I was HIT! On the arm...a foot and a half higher, it could have put my eye out...or gone through the eye and into my brain and I would have been dead, real bad.

Freewheelin' on Benton Hill
We had this steep hill in our neighborhood. We loved to freewheel down the hill on bikes at terrifying speed. (Freewheel=the bravest/ toughest kids put our feet up onto our handle bars--totally off the pedals and unable to brake). At the very bottom of this steep hill was a blind cross street--you couldn't really see the traffic coming in time to save you--you just tried to navigate into a certain long driveway--or you would meet the curb at high speed. Oh yeah, death was possible, by car or by curb.

I was ten when I went freewheeling down Benton Hill for like the hundredth time in my life. Maybe I was cocky. Maybe I just got careless... I almost hit a car. A braking driver, a curb, and a nice big bush saved me from being dead, real bad.

There were others--getting a dart stuck in my cheek--about 2 inches from my eye (I was throwing them into the basement ceiling): going headfirst over the handlebars of my 10-speed and landing on my head, and so on. But the point is made. Though being a boy almost killed me, I survived. You survived. And so did these boys...

COULD THIS BE YOUR CHILD IN THIS SHOPPING CART?

CAUTION: BAD LANGUAGE...VOLUME OFF TO AVOID...

Only "advice" I can give here is...protect your kids all you want. You can't keep them safe every second of the day--even if you're the BEST parent in the whole wide world, and you are constantly hovering. Protective actions are prudent. Freaking out too much due to over-protectiveness will introduce a weirdness into your relationship which will rob your kid(s) of some of the most important things you are to provide as a parent--a sense of safety, security, and confidence in facing life in this big, bad old world.

SO what can you do? Go give your kid(s) a hug, tell them how much you love them. And let them know that if they ever do something stupid that gets them dead real bad...you're gonna have to kill them. But then again, they know that already :)

Click here to read a post on this blog about the teen brain and risk-taking behavior--why it happens and what you can do to try and stop it!

In COMMENTS below, please:

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Ain't Nothin' But a Twin Thang! (Sibling Rivalry x10...and what to do about it)

2008-10-11T22:20:00.014-04:00

I have an identical twin. His name is Phil. Mine is James ("Jimmy" way back when, Jim now). So there was no cutesy name stuff happening, thank God. No Jimmy and Timmy, Billy Bobby and Bobby Robby, or Skeeter and Peter. One small grace in an otherwise graceless situation.

Many people would say to us "being a twin must be awesome!" We would just look at the person in amazement, and say (probably in unison), "Now you are just talking like a crazy person!"

Mom used to talk crazy too. I think we were 3-4 when mom started telling us stuff like, "If you ever need a kidney, your brother could give you one of his!" This brought up a few questions:

"What's a kidney?"

"How? Does he reach inside, take it out and hand it over?"

Mom answered our questions (but she had to be wrong--GROSS!) But I couldn't imagine my brother giving me a kidney--at least not without a fight. We fought over food, friends, toys and every other possession...didn't look good for kidney sharing.

You see as twins we were already conditioned in hundreds of different ways to to be enemies, adversaries, competitors...not charitable givers--at least not to one another. If you think sibling rivalry is bad...for twins who shared the same egg and DNA...it's rivalry x 10, I promise you.

It meant, separate birthday party tables (better be the same number of kids at each--and have friends switch tables at mid-party), separate birthday cakes (better be the SAME exact size), same IDENTICAL toys (though when possible, different colors), and absolutely equal treatment in EVERY area from hugs and snuggles, encouragement and praise, to food portions, parental time, attention, interest--everything.

Mom would talk with other mothers who would ask the typical...Who was born first? (me by 6 minutes...na-na-na-na-na-na!) Who walked first? Who talked first? Which one is/ was the best baby? Me and Phil treasured all this information...ammunition in the battle for superiority.

Here is just a small sampling of the constant reminders to me and Phil that we were competitors for the hearts and minds of everyone in our world...

Mom says there were times when one of us was breast-fed twice...while the other one got nothing. That right there is enough to put us at each other's throats for a lifetime, but I will continue...

Grandma gave our older brother and sister $10 each for their birthdays. She gave Phil and me $10 to split between us. Yes, this happened. This almost put me in therapy.

Which of you is smartest? ("Me...duhhhhh!" If people who asked us this had been smarter, we'd have been nicer when responding...)

Which one of you is the ladies man/ has had the most girlfriends? (This one was extended even onto our girlfriends, "Which one of you has the prettiest girlfriend?" We would also have girls come up to us and decide out loud who was cutest or who had the best personality...nothing like losing that one.)

Which of you is strongest/ most athletic? Which is better at baseball? Football? Basketball? Faster? Throws farthest? Hits a baseball best? and so on. Might as well say it...who's the REAL man between you two...and who's the sissy?

Which of you has the most friends? (Well, minus you now for asking, that means I have this many ____.)

And on, and on , and on.

Me and Phil share the same DNA, but we are very different. We have different personalities, temperaments, talents, gifts, interests, opinions--quite a list. At times we can still finish one another's sentences. But not as much anymore. The point is, we are very different and so is every child.

Each child has a different "love language"--a different way each needs to be nurtured, built up, guided, challenged, and disciplined--through hundreds of different words, actions and attitudes that ultimately say, "I love YOU!" The key is for us to strive to treat each child as an individual, to never define one child in comparison to another. We have to refuse to compare our child unfavorably with another as a motivational ploy as well (ex. "Why can't you earn better grades, like your brother/ __________ [someone else's kid]?")

Finally, if you ever meet a twin, look into their eyes with compassion, give them a sympathetic nod that says, "I know". Then give them a $20--or whatever cash you have on you...(cause if Grandma didn't short-change them, some uncle with a bad sense of humor did)

Please respond to the following questions in COMMENTS below...

What struggles with sibling rivalry have you had in your home? What has worked for you in resolving them? In preventing rivalry?
So what do you do to make sure your kids feel loved as individuals?
Oh, or you can just tell us about your painful (or magical) twin experience...

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